i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
