He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
