My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
