last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
