so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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