can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
