no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
