Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
