I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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