I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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