Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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