Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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