I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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