I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
