the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
