note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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