My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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