So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
