True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
