i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
