Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
