i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
