a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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