The maid of honor just puked.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
