I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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