I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
