: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
