They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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