She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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