he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
