I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
