what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
