i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
