Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
