Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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