i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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