She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
