If i come over, it means nothing
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
