I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
