it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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