if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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