I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
