Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
