My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
