never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
