I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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