omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
