I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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