I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
