I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You did what with his pubic hair?
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