my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
