But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am one with the molecules
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
